High flyer

When it comes to travelling, our columnist believes there are several do's and don'ts when flying premium.

I WAS inspired to write this article during one of my long haul flights the other day when I was using the facilities shortly after takeoff. No I'm not talking about that cliché of people getting their best ideas while on the proverbial throne.

What happened was that I was just noticing and thinking about how the eau de toilette bottle had had its spray cap cut off leaving the neck of the bottle gaping open. It was the same with the ladies' perfume and the lotion. This of course was not the first time I've seen it. In fact, I knew it had become a matter of practice for most airlines that still offer designer cologne and perfume in their lavatories, and the reason for this was basically to prevent the bottles from being taken away by some high flying kleptomaniac.

The whole thing just got me thinking about why people do that. If you are already flying First or Business Class, surely you can afford your own fragrance and don't need to steal one off the airlines? Expanding from that line of thought, I figured I might write about some of the the dos and donts when one is travelling premium. I've always said that flying First or Business is not a matter of being seated at the front of the cabin, it is also about who you are, how you appear and how you conduct yourself.

Let's start with a few simple "don'ts". First, please don't steal. Now that you are travelling premium, you are on your way to success if you are not already there.

So can we do without the pilfering please? For those who feign ignorance, let's be very clear: Not everything in First and Business Class is meant for you to take home. Not the cutlery, the drinking glasses, the fine dining china, the blankets and certainly not the life jackets (True story. Someone tried to take home the life jacket, got arrested and made the news).

Next: please don't trash the bathroom. Seriously, how hard is it to follow the simple instructions pasted all over the cabin bathroom anyway?

Don't clog the toilet with tissue paper; wipe the sink basin after use; and the simplest most basic one of all: flush! Surely that's not rocket science? And while we're still on the subject, can we also be clear that unless you are on an A380 that actually offers showers, aircraft bathrooms are not for any kind of bathing.

The third "don't" probably (and thankfully) does not occur that often, but often enough that I and several of my friends on separate occasions have encountered it. Please don't undress in the cabin. That's right. Some people actually do that. As we all know, superior airlines would offer their First Class passengers sleeper suits or pajamas for their comfort during long-haul flights.

The idea is so that you can change, hang up your clothes and get a good long rest in proper sleeping attire. But please don't strip down to your boxers in the cabin, in full view of other passengers to change into your peejays! (Again, true story. Didn't make the news, but it scarred me for life). In another incident, a friend told me of one mature woman who decided not to use the sleeper suits and opted to use her own sleep-wear.

Come bed time, she waltzed into the bathroom, and reappeared in a flimsy lacey negligee that has no place outside her own bedroom. Why do people do these kind of things? I suppose it goes back to the point I've been harping on time and again; money does not automatically buy you class. Which brings us to some basic "do's" of travelling premium, which I should run through briefly before I run out of column space.

First, (and any airline executive will agree with me on this): do look the part. I once wrote about how nowadays, because of the bad influence of cheap airlines, people just throw on anything before getting on a plane. Well, if you are fortunate enough to be flying premium, wear something suitable. You have nothing to lose if you dress well to travel. In fact, here's a secret: how you appear is one of the first things airlines look at when considering who to upgrade.

Next, please do conduct yourself appropriately throughout the flight. When in First or Business class, a certain decorum is expected of you. Please don't shout out your drink orders like you are at a mamak stall, and for god's sake please avoid snapping your fingers while hollering "Hallo! Miss ? Miss? Hallo!" when calling the cabin crew. Just press the service button and hold your horses until someone comes and tends to you. And there are those who feel a need to berate the crew rudely and loudly when something upsets them. Once, on a day-flight to London, the husband of a senior banker I knew felt a need to give one of the stewardesses a humiliating dressing down just because the poor girl closed his window shade without asking him first.

Anyway, the point is that your conduct reflects on who you are, and if you want to be among the refined, polished and well-to-do, not only do you need to look the part, you need to behave accordingly as well. And being loud, crass, and rude is unacceptable behaviour.

Actually the list of dos and donts can go on and on, but I think this should do for now. So the next time you travel premium, be a cut above. It's not just about not stealing, not being messy and not performing an in-flight striptease. It's about always being proper and civil and considerate. Be the passenger that puts the class in First and Business class.

■ Snobama prefers to travel on a private jumbo jet and be spared the horrors of "other people" but unfortunately such luxuries are a little above his budget.

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