Dealing with sycophants

Whether in Kuala Lumpur or anywhere else, knowing the social structure of a country or city is important to get things done. But it's a pity that for some, this means basic kindness and niceties are forgone, as they pursue their social and professional ambitions.

HERE is a question that I always ask relatives and friends who, because of who they are and what they do, have to meet with social opportunists: "How on earth do you handle sycophants?'

I am constantly amazed and fascinated by social intricacies. My work (thank God) does not provide much room to socialise with the who's who and social opportunists, but I am intrigued by them.

I hear about them, and as a writer, this is great content for a short story collection I hope to begin on one fine day!

These individuals have only one thing in mind, and that is to climb the social ladder.

They aren't subtle about it either – you know that if they don't talk to you, or if they sneer at you, you're beneath them. They go for the jugular.

Only the powerful and those who have status are good enough to be their friends.

Kuala Lumpur is like an Edith Wharton novel come to life – all I do is sit and listen to my friends and relatives in society tell me stories.

As I said earlier, my life and work is so divorced from the shenanigans that they go through that when I am told about the latest escapade of social climbers, I gape. I don't know which is better: Downton Abbey or crazy KL society.

After observing a very much older person simper and flatter a relative, I had to ask him, "How do you know if the person is a nutjob?"

"I have five minutes to make a judgment. If my guts say crazy-crazy-crazy, I move."

"I go in, say hi, hello-hello, and in 20 minutes, I leave. Show face, you know?"

Oh. As they say, laidat issit?

As I write this column, I am reminded of a story a good friend related to me.

An old schoolmate from an established family had gone bonkers on Facebook, because she was not invited to a baby shower. Instead of asking the hostess, she started haranguing her classmates.

"You better tell me who this person is," I said to my friend, "So that I can run far away from her.

Sadly, this is how it is, whether in KL or not. Knowing the social structure of a country/city is important to get things done.

A pity that this means basic kindness and niceties are forgone, as a person pursues his social and professional ambitions.

How does one navigate and remain unscathed, another friend wondered.

Three things I believe in:

> You are who your friends are – just see who and what the pack is like. If it's a bunch of social hyenas, run.

> You earn the face that you have – this may sound rather odd, but in my short experience dealing with people, somehow you can just gauge just by looking at a person's face. No amount of Botox will be able to hide a person's intentions.

> Trust your gut – that person may be a walking chandelier of brands and money, but if your inner alarm goes off, you listen. Is it worth it to be even an acquaintance, just for business' sake? Many businesspeople I know, who have fallen for the charms of a sycophant, have admitted to "feeling a bit edgy" when they are in contact with the person.

Of course, one must know who the chairman or an MD of a company is. You cannot not know who's who if you are serious about your work.

But you needn't have to step on toes to get to where you are. And yes, while it is true that flattery, brown-nosing and politics have helped some personalities get ahead in life, be assured that your work and sincerity will be taken notice of.

If the person you are hoping to impress would rather be in the company of sycophants, you will have to ask if you want recognition from him!

A 2009 article in Vanity Fair magazine describes social climbers very well: "…the least established elites, they are more dependent on high-status affiliations than anyone."

All human beings want their presence to be acknowledged – it's a human need to want to be admired, loved, liked.

What a pity that some of us think that stepping on people is the way to achieve personal stardom.

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