Every 4th Malaysian sex-abused as a child, says NGO

By Patrick Lee - Free Malaysia Today

FMT INTERVIEW KUALA LUMPUR:A few weeks ago, a four-year-old girl was reported to have been molested by a man ten times older than she. The culprit was supposed to be taking care of her in her mother’s absence.

Malaysians have become familiar with stories of this kind in recent years; they no longer shock us as much as they used to.

Although no official statistics have been released, the claims by researchers and social workers are nevertheless staggering: it is estimated that one in every four Malaysians has been the victim of child sexual abuse.

Although the problem has been much exposed and discussed, many people still think of child sex offenders as dirty, suspicious-looking strangers.

Nothing could be further from the truth, according to Protect and Save the Children (PSC), a Malaysian NGO. It says nine of every ten child sex offenders are not only known, but also trusted and even loved by the victims.

In this first of a three-part interview, Nooreen Preusser, PSC's Training and Education Director, talks to FMT about what Malaysians know about child sex abuse, and why putting more locks on your doors won't work.

FMT: What do Malaysians know when it comes to child sexual abuse?

Nooreen: Very few would say that there is no child sexual abuse in Malaysia. It may have a lot to do with the all these cases reported in the media in recent months. There has been an escalation in the reporting of these cases. But even without the publicity, many people know of survivors of such abuse or are survivors themselves.

But do people understand what child sexual abuse is? They understand some of the details, but I think there needs to be a more in-depth understanding of it. A lot of people think they can teach their children about stranger-danger and get security guards and more padlocks or bars, and they somehow think all that will protect children.

What we say is that in almost nine out of ten child sexual abuse cases, the child knows, trusts and maybe even loves the offender.

Almost nine out of ten?

Yes. And what we try to tell adults is the need to understand the dynamics of it. One of the critical elements of child sexual abuse is what we call the grooming process.

There are very distinct stages in this process. First, the sex offender will go to where there are children—shopping malls, schools and such places.

The offender will then try to gain the trust of the adults who should be protecting the child. He may be helpful, friendly, charming and well-dressed. This breaks the villain stereotype of the greasy-haired, alcoholic, drug addict living under the bridge.

After the offender sees the children, he’ll pick out the most vulnerable child, or one with low self-esteem, a child who won't not be able to say no, who may not be believed by adults, so that when he complains, the adults dismiss it as a made-up story.

Then the offender starts to touch the child in a perfectly legitimate way. It could be a pat on the back, or a hug. This would be done openly, and in front of adults. This gets the child used to physical touch.

The child is then touched in private. The child will think, “Uncle did this in front of everyone, and it was fine. Now he's doing it in private, it’s okay.”

Then there will be sexual touch. By now, the child is desensitized, and the offender will justify the sexual touch with lies, such as “I love you, that's why I'm doing this” or “It's only people who love each other in a special way who do this sort of thing.”

Wouldn't the children feel strange?

Of course. They feel weird, and uncomfortable. Deep down they know it's wrong. But they've never been taught it’s wrong, and this person they love is saying, “If you love me, you'll have oral sex.”

Imagine a twelve-year-old girl who goes to tuition, and she's groomed by the teacher sexually. One day the teacher inserts his finger into her vagina. How does she feel?

She thinks: “My parents know and trust him. I trust him, but what has he done to me today?”

She will feel violated, but who can she tell? Maybe her mother has told her, “We don't talk about this. This is not polite conversation.”

But that's more of a cultural thing, isn't it? Asians tend to be more conservative.

Yes, but culture is not an excuse for allowing this to happen. The Malay translation for private parts is “bahagian kemaluan” or “my shameful parts”. So she thinks, “My private parts are shameful. They are not to be discussed.”

Our twelve-year-old can't tell anyone and is sent back to her teacher next week. Even if she doesn't want to go, her parents will say, “You know how much money I'm paying? You better go.”

She goes back to the sex offender, and he says, “Aha! You came back, so you liked it after all. Let's do it again.” He has just manipulated the situation to make the child believe that she agreed to this and that she wanted to come back. Then start the feelings of guilt and shame.

Unfortunately, we've had many instances where parents have told us about teachers who did this sort of thing to their children. Asked what they did after finding out, they say, “We fired him and got a new one.”

They didn't file a report. So what happened to the sex offender? He just went somewhere else, and is now probably abusing other kids.

What creates a sex offender?

The easiest answer is someone who was abused as a child. You find a lot of children who are sex offenders. You could have fourteen-year-olds abusing eight-year-olds.

When you've got that scenario, you can be almost sure that the former were themselves sexually abused at the age of eight. What such a child is trying to do is make sense of the experience.

It can also spiral into adulthood, so you’d have adults who abuse children who are at the same age that he or she was abused at. If someone was abused at twelve, he’s going to abuse twelve-year-olds.

But that is not the majority, because most sexually-abused people do not become sex offenders. Sex abuse is more about power and control than it is about sex.

A sex offender exerts power over a child. He tricks, forces or coerces the child.

But wouldn't there be other means to exert that power? Not in a sexual way.

They could also beat or manipulate the child.

Are they attracted to children?
Not always. This is another myth that’s been reinforced by the media. The media tend to use the word “pedophile” and “sex offender” interchangeably. That’s not correct. A pedophile has a condition that makes him exclusively attracted to pre-pubescent children.
But that’s a minority.

The majority of offenders are or have been in normal sexual relationships, but they want sex with children because it's their way of degrading or hurting children. But why do they choose sex? If you beat a child, there’ll be bruises. If you force a child to perform oral sex, there are no bruises.

What about penetration?

People think child sexual abuse is only about penetration, or rape and sodomy. That is another myth. A lot of it is oral sex, or forcing the child to fondle the sex offender. Or the offender can remove a child's clothes before taking a photo.

Why do offenders do this? Do they feel unaccomplished in life?

It could be. There are very powerful CEOs who sexually abuse children. They think that since they can't control their workplace, they can control a child. There are a lot of psychological impulses as to why someone would do something like that.

The frightening thing is that it's so prevalent in society. There are no published statistics in Malaysia, but from our work, we can guesstimate that it's one in four children. We would like to encourage the relevant ministries in the country to take this up.